Dreams of an Insomniac

Today is the day. One year ago today is the day that I first started writing to you. telling you about my life and encouraging you to keep your head up. Once a week i crack open my Black journal and I just fill you in on what’s going on in my life. From struggles, families, friends, relationships, prayers, just my life. I’ve had allot of time to let you know where I stand with my life and honestly. I still have no clue. I thought this was going to be the year I met you or the year I’d get my life back on track… It didn’t technically happen that way. Its has honestly probably been one of my hardest/roughest years I have ever had… And I’m only 21. This is the year I got dropped out of college. The year I got rejected multiple jobs because a missunderstanding left me with a criminal record. The year I decide to do only Christian rap. The year I gave my all to doing Gods work. The year I got closer to un expected friends. The year my best friend died (oreo my dog). The year my sister got engaged. The year my longest male best friend got married. The year I attended atleast 5 weddings. The year death and shooting became more common. The year I spent under the stars most nights. This was the year I truly and honesty was head over heels “in love”. The year i thought I would meet you but instead my heart was left lonely. I know your out in this big world going through the same pain and happiness I am… I just want you to know that no matter how bad this past year was or how bad or good the next one is I will never give up on you!!! #happynewyears #dearfuturewife #iloveyou

I like the fact people make no effort to contact me. Then get mad when they find out Im doing something new with my life. Oh sorry I forgot to mention that in the text conversation we didn’t have cause you decided not to text me back or even text me at all… Sorry I’m not at the top of your list to talk to but if we are such great friends why is it so hard for you to send me a text messages just to check in once in awhile. Its not like I don’t try talking to people…but obviously in there big important lives of.: Family, friends, bf, gf, people they hate, teachers, creepers, TV shows, and themselves, I don’t stack up to be a person to talk to even though we are “apparently” best friends…I’d say goodnight but I don’t sleep much so I’ll waste time not receiving text messages from people… #bye

We all come across many people in our lives. Some who stay, some who leave, so who don’t care about you and some who do. Some you wish would love you and some you wish you never met…but in our life there is always gonna be a few special ones you can’t be without no matter how hard life gets you pray, hope, wish that they will always be in your life. and when they come into your life you know you’ll do anything and everything to be what they want in there life. You ever love someone so much that you wanna just see them happy. Yeah me too. Its hard to love or be in love with someone you know will never love you as much as you do them. But at the same time just hope they will always want you in there life. I love you and Idk what to do about it cause I know things are hard. I just wish you saw yourself the way I see you, the way I will always see you because honestly its something special and I wish you knew how much you mean to me.

Honestly…
I can’t do this anymore, I try so hard to just be a fiend and there for people… But it seems like I’m just getting used and forgotten about. No I’m not saying im amazing but the fact that I don’t see any of my friend cause they are to busy hurts because id drop everything to just brighten up there day and they can’t take five minutes to maybe say hi once in awhile. What kills me is I’m always helping but the one time I can’t help they are instantly pissed. Well you know what I’m worth something, maybe not to you but to someone I’m special just haven’t found that person yet….
If your reading this today I want you to know that im here for you no matter I promised, but it sucks that its not a two way street… #forgotten #justsaying #Athazagoraphobia

People…I don’t really like them. Really starting to irritate me because everyone seems to be fake…or only care about themselves and there love lives but not for people who care about them.
Which brings up the question why care anymore if there just gonna treat you like shit… Well cause I don’t wanna make people feel the same way they make me feel on a daily bases. Yes I dislike allot of them and there irritating but atleast Im honest and not fake and no matter how much I don’t like them at this time I wont give up on them because thats who I am. No matter what…i gonna always be the person getting hurt, the person getting rejected, the person being kicked out of peoples lives and forgotten…but still always that person there for others.
#thoughts #people #irritated #agitated #sad #angry

People

People will miss me when I’m gone. I’m getting so sick and tired of people ignoring me or making excuses for no reason. If I try and see or talk to you everyday you obviously mean something to me but the fact that no one has any fucking time for me is getting ridiculous and I honestly can’t take being alone all the time. No one really sees or knows what’s going on and I wanna talk but don’t know what to say but most of all no one to say it to…All I’m saying is if you don’t need me now and I decide to actually move away don’t get mad at me and say you miss me because you had your chance…#neededtobesaid #missyou #oldtimes #donetrying

I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done I’m done…. Just saying